MINUTIAE

This girl has a major chip on her shoulder. Who writes a dealbreaker on a hypothetically married person? Wouldn’t that be the primary dealbreaker?

Also, the italics, quotations marks, and exclamation point are pretty useless. F. Scott Fitzgerald once said (and I paraphrase) “Using an exclamation point is like laughing at your own joke.” I try to use that line whenever editing someone’s writing. Italics is even worse though. That has to be like masturbating to your own picture. I wonder if Fitzgerald thought that. I’d give him for it if he asked.

Also, only douches wear LaCoste. But they are the Ed Hardy-style douches, not the Yale legacy-style douches. When stereotyping the latter, mention Vineyard Vines or Ralph Lauren. I do like LaCoste. I wore a pair of their eyeglasses for a good part of middle school. They shouldn’t have to carry the burden of another style of douche.

Also, the whole steak and Starbucks stock thing implies the hypothetical character is doing stuff they’ll regret later, which is sort of the title of the Dealbreaker she is trying to rebut.  So, both hypothetical characters aren’t that different. As one does regrettable damage to their outer-self, the other does it to their inner-self. I bet they could even be friends if they stepped outside their comfort zones. But they won’t, because they’re fake.

The girl who wrote this Dealbreaker did it mainly to vent, as did I this repost. Except I’m actually hoping no one reads this. This Dealbreaker rubbed me the wrong way because I had a good friend in college like this girl. We both loved semi-underground bands like Mare, Verse, and Shitstorm and leaned heavily left. But I was active in a fraternity, and I could part of him turn bitter whenever he asked me a question about it or I shared an anecdote from it. Still, he’s a great person as long as you don’t mention any lifestyle he doesn’t like. And she probably is, too.

Well, that’s on less chip on my shoulder.

PS-If anyone does manage to read this, I fully understand that since I corrected someone else’s grammar, by the rules of the internet (I forget the name of this particular one), I will have made at least one error of my own.

dealbreaker:

GUESTREBUTTAL: You regret your life already

You’re the all-American, stereotypical man. In your opinion, nothing looks quite as great as a Lacoste polo and some Dockers khaki shorts. When you encounter people with body modifications, you simply see an attention-seeking pin cushion. At least I know the reasoning behind my actions; at least I understand the meaning of native culture and exotic tradition. The only traditions you have is running your father’s law firm. Oh, and visiting the Asian massage parlor on Tuesday evenings while your wife is at Bikram yoga (I guess that’s exotic). Sure, it might take a bit longer for me to find the love of my life and settle down, but I’ll know for sure that they support my life. You married your high school sweetheart out of pressure and the only thing you know for sure is that she supports your decision to buy her jewelry from Tiffany’s. You know, perhaps it’s even true that I inform others of the modifications I possess, but that’s only because they inquire about them first. Trust me, no one asks you to rage on and on about your “investments.”

Yes, I may regret this in my later years, but by then I’ll be so wrinkly and senile it won’t matter. Meanwhile, you’ll be long dead from a heart attack at age 54, resulting from a combination of buttery steaks from your local prime steakhouse and the facts that your Starbucks stock took a hard plunge south. Cheers!

A Guest Rebuttal to this Dealbreaker, written by Waiting on Revolution